Free Your Mind And The Rest Will Follow – The Example

Several years ago (and yes, I’m dating myself now), En Vogue came out with a great song entitled, “Free Your Mind”.  The actual main chorus line was free your mind and the rest will follow!  Wow!  How powerful of a statement is that?  If you think I’m talking hogwash, well then maybe you just need to free your mind.

Anyway, I was talking to a friend of mine the other day who lost his job.  As he’s a good friend of mine, I offered to get together and discuss what he likes to do and see if there was something I could help him with.  While this would probably include discussing some of the things that I do, as a personal and business success coach, I was really more interested in helping him and figuring out what he was interested in so I can offer some suggestions.  It didn’t matter if he decided to do anything with me or not – it was to see how I can best serve him.

You see, I believe that the more you serve others, the more successful you’ll be.  This is not a new concept.  It’s been around for hundreds of years and taught by all the great leaders of our time.  John C. Maxwell’s (bestselling author of The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership) Law of Addition says, “We add value to people by serving them.”  The Jaycees (the premiere leadership development organization for young adults ages 18 – 40) have a Creed that even says that the “Best work in life is service to humanity.”

Well this friend of mine said, “O.k.  I’ll give you a call tomorrow and we’ll get together.”  Well tomorrow came and went and no call.  Then the next day, the next, etc.  A couple of weeks goes by and I see him again, and I say, “hey, how’s it going?”  He replies, “Not bad.  I think I might have found a job.”  I responded with, “That’s great news!  I’m glad you found something.”  He goes on to say, “Well, it’s not final yet.  I still have to accept the position only I’m pretty sure it’s a go.”   I say, “Super.”  Then I asked him, “Hey, how come you never called.”  And his response was “Well, I don’t want to do that kind of stuff and I didn’t want to waste my time.”

Whoa!  That took me back a bit.

 

 

 

 

First, what kind of stuff and secondly, he was implying that talking to me was a waste of his time, and third, he told me flat out he was going to call me when he knew he wasn’t going to – which was basically, lying to my face.  And this coming from someone who I thought was a friend.

Here’s the thing though.  I never said what I was going to talk to him about – and he never asked.  I just said, let’s get together and let me see talk about some options for you.  He just naturally ASS-U-ME-d I was going to talk about something which he wasn’t interested in or try to sell him on something he doesn’t need – which he knows and even admitted I’ve never done.  And here’s the kicker, when I replied that it was interesting that he was so closed minded about what I was going to talk to him about he didn’t even keep his options open, he blew up!

Started saying he didn’t want to do this or that and that he’s been burned in the past, and he had no interest in anything I had to offer, etc.  Even though he had no idea what I had to offer (closed minded?  Assumptive?  Or just know it all?)

And then he exclaimed, “Explain to me in 5 minutes what you do.  If you can’t do that, then I don’t even want to hear it.  I hate it when people can’t explain what they are doing.”  I have nothing to hide, so I told him in less than 5 minutes what “I” do.  And he said he wasn’t interested in what “I” do.  Again, so what?  The point is, what “I” do is different than what most people do and not everyone can do what “I” do.  As a matter of fact, most people cannot do what “I” do.  What he didn’t get was that I was going to talk about what HE wanted to do.  Not me, him.

The fact of the matter is that I know several people who have lost their jobs in the past year and I’ve been able to help a lot of them – even though none of them do what I do.  I have sent over resume writing courses and resume suggestions.  I’ve forwarded job postings which are sent to me on a regular basis.  I’ve asked around to see if anyone is hiring for particular positions and jobs.  And I’ve sent over job related articles, websites, training materials – all focused on what that other person is looking for and what THEY want to do, not what I do.  I don’t say this to boast, only I know people.  I know a lot of people as I network a lot.  And the people I know, know people.  During my days in the Corporate world, they called me the “Go To Guy.”  That’s because if anyone needed something, I always knew which person to “Go To” in order to get the answer.  And almost always, I’m able to help out in some way, form, or fashion.

Now my friend just wasn’t having it though.  He’s always been a good listener in the past and for this topic, he was just shut down.  It was readily and completely apparent in his demeanor and body language.  And while I told him that it didn’t really matter if we had gotten together or not, it didn’t matter if he didn’t like what I did, it didn’t matter that he had found a job really, that what mattered was that he wasn’t open to just getting together and talking about what he wanted to do so I can see how I can serve him better.  I told him that I didn’t care that he didn’t call me and I was happy he found something for himself.  I also told him that I cared more that he keep an open mind in the future about things – not for myself – for himself.  Only he wasn’t having any of it.  All I had to do was take a look at his face to see that anything else I said was just “wasting his time”.  And quite frankly, he was right.

I was wasting his time and my time.  As he wasn’t listening, it was me talking to a brick wall.  And more than anything, it made me sad – sad that I couldn’t get through to him.  Sad that I couldn’t get him to see that not having an open mind will cause him to miss out on a lot of opportunities in life – opportunities for growth and development, wealth, health, and success.  Not having an open mind will limit his potential in anything he does.

Now while I still love the guy, I know that I won’t be the one to reach him.  Something in his life has “caged” his mind.   Something happened to him in the past that closed his mind.  He’s gotten burned one too many times and he’s shut down that part of his brain.  And when I touched on that subject, he’s now related me to that incident or incidents in the past which will make it even more difficult for me to reach him – and for the sake of our friendship, I let the subject drop.  And until he realizes that not everyone is out to get him and t

hat there are good people out there willing to help without any expectation of receiving anything in return, he’ll continue to get burned and he’ll continue to limit himself.  As his friend, I hope that someday, someone will be able to help him “free his mind and the rest will follow…”